Aliyah Q&A: Do Israeli women like to look at males dancing in skimpy G-strings?
Posted on February 22, 2009 • By Miriam Schwab
Category: Jokes 20 Comments
Having been in the blogging “business” for quite some time, I’ve seen my fair share of crazy comments. But over the weekend someone posted a comment on our illuminea blog that is so fabulous and crazy, I had to share it. (I didn’t approve it on the blog because it’s really inappropriate for that audience. But over here, almost anything goes.)
So hold on to your hats…here it is:
Author : moshe rabeynu
Comment:
I am a former male exotic dancer and am interested in establishing a “Chippendales” type establishment in Israel. What type of assistance and tax benefits does the Israeli government provide to new businesses of olim chadashim? Are there many such entertainment facilities in Israel? I would like some idea as to how stiff the competition would be. Do Israeli women, as a rule, like to look at males dancing in skimpy G-strings? Are they generous tippers? Would they put a shekel to the shmeckel? If I hire other olim chadashim as dancers, would they have to pay any taxes on their tips? Can I employ dancers who have not had a briss ? I might want to hire one or two to add variety to the show lineup. Is a liquor license hard to obtain in Israel. Do I have to bribe any officials to receive one? To whom is it customary to pay proteksia money to start a business and keep it going and approximately how much to they ask for? Thank you for your help.
If there were commenting Olympics, this one would bag a super-gold.
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Absolutely the gold of the gold. And tell Moshe Rabeynu former exotic dancer:
From someone who has been to Chippendale’s shows and has seen more than her share of male bared “G String” flesh at San Francisco street fairs: It depends upon the G-String wearer and how he struts his stuff.
Did you answer him
?
I love that his name is Moshe Rabeynu. That just says so much right there.
Great questions … but I want to know how you answered him?!
@stephanie: good answer. For those of you who want to know how I answered him…I sent him an email telling him I’m not well versed in his industry (understatement), but that I’d like to share his questions with others to see if they have any input. But it seems that his email was a fake, so there’s no way for me to communicate with our good friend and teacher, Moshe.
I love the “Moshe Rabenu” pseudonym too. Too great.
“I would like some idea as to how stiff the competition would be.”
Oy!
Greetings, ladies and gentlemen, from your friendly retired exotic dancer, Moshe Rabeynu. I did not realize when I generated my inquiry concerning the start-up of a male exotic dance facility in Israel that it would be that amusing to so many people. It’s not easy having to retire from all the glamour and the excitement. I yearn to shave my legs and pubic area, don my good old G-string once again and to get back into the limelight as the leader of a first rate male exotic dance review. I have put on a little weight over the course of my retirement years but I have started an exercise regimen to tighten my pecs, glutes and abs which the ladies like so much. I am going to undergo penile enlargement surgery while I’m still living in the U.S. to compensate for the “shrinkage” of old age (as George Constanza would describe it). I would have had it done in Israel after aliyah, however, the Jewish Agency Representative told me I would have to pay an import duty on the implant device in Israel because it was over nine inches. The Israeli Government limit’s the size of a penile implant to 4 ¾ inches to qualify for the oleh chadash tax and import duty exemption. I explained that this was a work related expense and an integral part of the Male Exotic Dance business but he told me that Israel is a socialist society and they didn’t see why anyone should require an implant in order to have such exceptionally large genitalia. I asked him, “what about each according to his ability, each according to his needs”. I explained that if I were going to be a success in my chosen line of endeavor, I would “need” to pack the gear. The whole matter is still up in the air and I have come to the conclusion that he is angling for a bribe or payoff either for himself or a cohort. He told me on the QT that it might be possible to fudge the official import manifest paperwork to look like the importation of two 4 ¾ inch implants instead of one 9 ½ inch implant. I could certify that I was orthodox and one implant was “milchadikeh” and one was “flayshedikeh”. This whole rigmarole will have to be steered through the immigration bureaucratic process by unseen hands so I assume someone, somewhere, will require a payoff. Additionally, I have been advised that there might be a problem with the Rabbinate. They feel that it is unseemly for a woman to place her tip in the male dancer’s G-string. They said that they will require that all the dancers carry “pishkahs”
(containers with slots on top) like I had to carry around, when I was in Hebrew school, for the Keren Kayemet. I asserted that if the ladies want to put their sheckels by the shmeckles and get a little peek and a little poke in the process, this is their right as “am chofshi”! The male dancers will be instructed to carry the “pishkahs” but the ladies can place their tips wherever they please, be it in the dancer’s pouch or his “pishkah” slot. I’ll have to sign off for now. I’m getting some new G-strings made up and I have an appointment for a fitting.
I had a nightmare last night and I am still shaking. I know there must be some deep and hidden meaning behind it and I am hoping that someone out there might be able to help me interpret this dream. I dreamt that I was the meat in the sandwich between Tzippi Livni and Sarah Palin, you know what I mean, that I was “Lucky Pierre”. But when I woke up in the morning, I had a terrible taste in my mouth and found myself between Golda Meir and Madeline Albright. Oy, gottenyu!!
Moish:
You’re a gem. Not to be confused with jewel(s).
One day, while I was vacationing in Hong Kong, I misplaced the key to my hotel room. I called the hotel manager and told him that I needed a new key as soon as possible. Three minutes later, a prostitute showed up at my door saying “Manager tell me you want nooky quick-quick. You give me hundred dollar, I give you number one nooky! I tried to explain to the young woman, “No, I want a NEW KEY, not your nooky!” She got angry and yelled at me, You want nooky but not MY nooky! What wrong with MY nooky? My nooky clean, just wash this morning!” “You don’t understand me”, I told her, “I need a NEW KEY!”. “And I need hundred dollar!”, she replied at the top of her voice. “Well“, I thought to myself, “since I can’t leave without a new key, I might as well avail myself of the opportunity.” That is when I got my Chinese nickname. When I took my drawers down, the young woman exclaimed, “You hung so lo!, you hung so lo!” “No, I told her, my name is Moshe Rabeynu, I’m not Hung So Lo. I’m not even half-Chinese.” “For China“ she replied “you hung so lo!” So that is how I became known as Moshe “Hung So Lo” Rabeynu in China.
One day, while I was vacationing in Hong Kong, I misplaced the key to my hotel room. I called the hotel manager and told him that I needed a new key as soon as possible. Three minutes later, a prostitute showed up at my door saying “Manager tell me you want nooky quick-quick. You give me hundred dollar, I give you number one nooky!” I tried to explain to the young woman, “No, I want a NEW KEY, not your nooky!” She got angry and yelled at me, You want nooky but not MY nooky! What wrong with MY nooky? My nooky clean, just wash this morning!” “You don’t understand me”, I told her, “I need a NEW KEY!”. “And I need hundred dollar!”, she replied at the top of her voice. “Well“, I thought to myself, “since I can’t leave without a new key, I might as well avail myself of the opportunity.” That is when I got my Chinese nickname. When I took my drawers down, the young woman exclaimed, “You hung so lo!, you hung so lo!” “No, I told her, my name is Moshe Rabeynu, I’m not Hung So Lo. I’m not even half-Chinese.” “For China“ she replied “you hung so lo!” So that is how I became known as Moshe “Hung So Lo” Rabeynu in China.
Uh Moish? We got the picture. Thanks
Seriously Moshe. It was funny the first time. Second, third and fourth – not so much. Now it’s really tired. Time to move on.
@miriamschwab OMG just read Moshe Rabeynu’s latest two comments. He is hilarious!!2:03 AM Mar 8th from web
I feel used and cast away. No one wants to chat with me anymore. I read numerous blogs each day and can state with certainty that nobody offers better shtick than I do. What I find, by and large, are the self absorbed jabberings of dull and uninteresting people. What is with these “twitters”? I’d rather read a page of stimulating prose written by an intelligent person than a hundred little snippets of worthless cyberspace chazerai. What difference does it make how sophisticated one is in manipulating his computer programs if, in the end, all he offers is the boring and tedious fruit of a barren intellect? I shared with you the gift of laughter which you posted far and wide. I’m sorry if you received multiple redundant posts from me but I did not realize that you were so prevalent on the internet. I thought I was posting to different entities. You are like Rome and almost all roads seem to lead to you. I have so much more to offer and I hope that you will not leave me alone on the boulevard of lonely bloggers.
Hi Moshe – I’m sorry if you feel ignored! I didn’t realize that you wanted more attention. I saw your message on facebook, I’ve just been really busy and haven’t had time to reply. I do plan on doing so, especially in response to your attack on “settlers.” I have much to say on that.
I eagerly await!
Greetings from Moshe “Hung So Lo” Rabeynu, a.k.a. “The Yeshiva Bucher”. You might be asking, “Why is Moshe spending his time generating these messages? They are humorous, yes. They are insightful, yes. They are controversial, yes. But, why is he generating them?” Well, I’ll explain my motivation to you as best I can. Television in the United States currently stinks to the high heavens and beyond. Fifty years ago, there were many talented entertainers and many entertaining programs. I am old enough to remember them and cannot abide with the dreck and shmootz that passes for “entertainment” today. Prevalent now is “reality T.V.”. This is another way of saying “talentless people who will do anything and everything for 14 ½ minutes of fame.” If a curva puts out a porno video on the internet, she gets a reality program. If a has-been actress wants to co-habit with a degenerate rap star, they make it into a reality show. They build reality shows around contests to determine who can eat the most worms or cockroaches. It seems that no-one can sing anymore, no-one can dance anymore without grabbing their crotches and spinning around on their heads, no-one can tell really amusing jokes anymore. There is a never ending supply of talent-less aspirants competing in one tedious reality competition after another. The dramas and talk shows are vehicles dedicated to subtle, and sometimes flagrant. espousal of a socialist-gay agenda. So, instead of watching T.V., I roam the internet, and enter a little shtick her and a little shtick there for my own amusement. If anyone else is amused, so much the better. How long will I continue with this hobby, you might ask. Well the simple answer is, “until I get bored with this pastime”.
So far, I am finding that it continues to be stimulating and amusing. I find it immensely ironic and amusing that numerous individuals go to the trouble of generating blogs and I turn out to be the only respondent generating comments on their sites. If it weren’t for me pursuing my little hobby, they would have spent their time and expertise in a vain attempt at reaching out. At least now they all know that MOSHE “HUNG SO LO” RABEYNU a.k.a. “THE YESHIVA BUCHER” is paying attention to them.
Are you bored by life in general and by the countless insipid and inane blogs you encounter while trying to find something amusing, stimulating and interesting? Do you yearn for intelligent and thought provoking chit-chat? Are you tired of communicating only with people who talk the way you do and think the way you do? Do you crave an adventure of the mind and are not afraid to brave the unknown landscape at the border of lunacy to find it? Well then, pack up your intellectual gear and start out bravely for I am waiting for YOU at HTTP://theyeshivabucher.blogspot.com
Shalom and zei gezunt until then!